Yes this really was me at uni.

With spring approaching that can only mean one thing: graduation is creeping ever closer. Alongside dissertation deadlines, final exams and job hunting. 

But, it’s not all doom and gloom. If you’re being really honest with yourself there are some things about student life that are less than ideal and that you’re probably looking forward to leaving behind by now. 

It’s been almost a year since I handed in my dissertation and effectively finished my degree so here are the things I definitely DON’T miss about student life and chances are you won’t either.

1. Being hungover approximately 4 days out of every 7.
2. The sad empty feeling that you’ve wasted a whole day without achieving anything because said hangover prevented you from going to your lectures.
3. Revision. Nothing else needs saying.
4. Lecturers who don’t reply to your emails.
5. When you zone out for a few minutes in a lecture while you contemplate how you can possibly survive on the £8.27 left in your bank account and then suddenly realise you’ve got zero clue what the lecturer’s talking about.
6. Spending £300 a year of precious money in order to spend 2 hours a day on a bus.
7. The feeling of panic when you get your results emailed to you later than everyone else.
8. The anxiety of having to open the email when it does arrive and actually read your results.
9. You are surrounded by people who have exactly the same problems as you (same deadlines, same exams etc.) so EVERYTHING is a drama.
10. Having to listen to people trying to one up each other on how much time they spent in the library.
11. Never being able to get a seat in the library because of the people who seem to have just moved in.
12. Living in a damp, mouldy house with a bunch of twats.
13. Cleaning up after you stupidly decided to have pre-drinks at your house the night before.
14. People who eat your food.
15. Constantly getting threatening letters from the TV licensing people. WE DON’T EVEN HAVE A TV.
16. Working solidly through your holidays so you can afford to live.
17. The sick feeling you get from knowing you have a big piece of work to do.
18. Fresher reps. They can fuck off.
19. Spending 4 hours straight in lectures listening to someone read off the slide which you could have done from your bed.
20. The crushing feeling when you’ve worked really hard on something and get a lower mark than you hoped for.
21. Friends of your flatmates who move in and won’t leave.
22. Being too scared to ever take a bath because it’s so filthy you’ve got no idea where to even start cleaning it.
23. Physically dragging yourself into uni after a tearful all-nighter to submit a paper because the lecturer won’t use turnitin.
24. Lying awake the night before your exam unable to sleep because there are drunk students outside your window who’ve already finished their exams.
25. Owning one chipped wine glass and one washed out Nutella jar glass.
26. Getting into a passive aggressive war over whose turn it is to take the recycling out.
27. Refusing to give in when playing Bin Jenga.
28. Surviving on a diet of toasted sandwiches, cold dominos and questionable things from cans.
29. Meeting sports societies out drinking together on a night out and having to endure their rowdy and obnoxious behaviour.
30. The never ending ‘what am I going to do with my life’ crisis.

Leaving uni was scary, there’s no getting around it but at least none of these things irritate me on a daily basis anymore!

New year... new goals 2016

Ok, so I realise this post is about a million years too late and that I haven't blogged for ages. I'm aware its pretty much March already and this sort of post had its day about 2 months ago. But gotta get back on the horse at some point and today I just feel like everything I want to get done is jostling about in my head and won't be quiet so I can focus on things.

The best cure for that is writing so here I am, back at my laptop and typing my thoughts on the internet. Then once they're written down I can start putting them into action. 

2016 is going to see my life turning upside down as I prepare to leave uni and take my first steps into the world so I think I need to have some realistic goals in place to stop me losing sight of where I'm trying to go. 

1. Finish my dissertation. 

Hang on a minute I hear you say, wasn't that your goal for 2015? Well yes it was but because I was daft enough to study for an integrated masters degree I get the joy of not one but TWO dissertations. Ain't life a bitch. So here I am in almost exactly the same position I was in this time last year in science hell questioning all my life decisions. But, I really want to do a good job and get it done so I can move on and finish my degree.

2. Graduate.

Speaking of which I can't wait to graduate this year. When you do a four year degree you spend most of your summer of third year watching most of year friends graduate (and abandoning you) while also feeling smug you don't have to stress about getting a job just yet. I'm not quite sure where the past year has gone but suddenly I find myself in their shoes and I am both excited and relieved that uni is almost done for me. Four years of studying is a long time and looking forward to spreading my wings.

3. Get a job.

While this once seems very vague I'm not actually sure what I want to do yet. I'm really looking forward to a new challenge and being able to start shaping my life in the direction I want. Having full time employment and a reliable wage opens lots of doors. Being financially stable and independent is my overall goal and to do that I need that paycheque coming in every month. 

4. Pass my trailer test. 

This might seem like an odd one. I learnt to drive when I was still in 6th form and as the oldest of four children (three of which can drive) I am lucky to be insured on several of our family cars so have always had access to a car. Unless you are a country bumpkin like me learning to tow will probably never cross your mind but when you live in a rural area its a life skill. Now that I have a car that is a good tow vehicle I want to get that skill under my belt before too many bad driving habits can creep in and other life stresses start getting in the way.

5. Go on a girls holiday. 

This goal is already very much underway as my friends and I are going on a long weekend to Devon after we finish uni. I am already super excited about this one as it will be so lovely to just relax and have fun together. I plan to get moderately sloshed on prosecco virtually every night. Warning you now. 

6. Continue being a *bit* healthier.

One of last years goals was to try and eat more fruit and veg and just generally be a little healthier. I've tried really hard to stick to that one and have made really good progress. At the end of 2015 I even joined a gym and started going properly and I feel so much better about myself. So I want to continue rolling with that and seeing how much further I can push myself this year. 

7. Go to Rome.

I went on a school trip to Rome when I was in Year 10 and started what I suspect might be a lifelong love affair with the city. When my boyfriend Jared told me he really wanted to go there this year I felt like I might do a little wee with excitement. I've totally downplayed it to him about how happy I am about this. I'm not sure how we'll afford it, what with both of us graduating and needing to get a job but I'm determined that this year we are going there. 

8. Read more.

Before I went to uni I was an avid reader. I was never without a book I was engrossed in. Then I went to uni and discovered Netflix and binge watching a whole TV season in one day. There's always a distraction at uni and I find it hard to unwind enough to sit down and get lost in a book. I've got a big pile ready as well as an extensive list on Amazon so I can't wait to get stuck in.

Holding down a job and a degree at the same time

Having a job is tough. Going to uni is tough. Doing both at the same time? Pretty damn difficult even for an organised person with their shit together. Somehow I seem to fool people into thinking I am such a person but in reality I'm really not. I am just muddling through trying desperately not to forget any of the things I am meant to be doing.

Right now my life is just revision. And it sucks. Everyone knows this but it doesn't make it any easier. The next two weeks are my final exams of third year and they're also my final exams at uni. Not because I am graduating but because I refused to take any modules next year with an end of semester exam. Got my priorities right for once.

I'm going to be honest, there's been a fair bit of procrastinating but every activity is tainted by guilt because I should be working. But what happens when like me you also have a job to stress about? You go totally insane that what. In fact you decide to write a blog post about it because you have so much stuff to do that anything seems more appealing. Life is hard. But ignoring your problems makes it easier right?

Working while studying deserves more respect then it gets, I'm trying hard to do two different things at once without compromising on performance for either. Its not easy. Today I'm shattered from a late shift last night and trying to revise. I would really love to have a bath and crawl into bed but I can't because I have an exam on Monday.

It's been a gorgeous sunny day and I've been stuck indoors with my computer trying to focus. Its not going well. People tell me if its too much then I should quit my job. But unfortunately for me I cannot have one without the other. I need the job in order to afford to stay at uni and I need the degree in order to one day move on from my current job to another one.

I hope that one day an employer will look at my CV and be impressed I managed to do both at once. Its not easy and means I often have to compromise on my social life. But I like to think I am just working on my life skills. Once we leave the cosy student life we all have to start making these sacrifices and managing our time even more carefully. Hopefully this will stand me in good stead for when I am become a 'proper adult'.

Also everytime I set foot inside the office I am gaining real work experience. Not just a week spent filing and making tea but actually doing the work instead of watching. I've had training, gained skills and been given responsibility. And I'm being paid for it.

I've spent a fair bit of time watching my friends all scramble for internships. Having done over 3 months of unpaid work experience all I can think is they are essentially all competing to be unpaid labour. Compare that to my year of true work experience and consider that I get rewarded for my time and effort. Now I've experienced both I know which one I prefer. Working for nothing gets old very quickly.

Even if it just means I am not dirt poor while I am at uni that surely must be a good thing. Its hard to focus when you are constantly worrying about where you are going to find the money for next months rent or lying awake at night thinking about how close you are to your overdraft limit. Not to brag but I don't even have an overdraft. I've actually got a savings account (although its to pay for uni next year). Check me out, fully fledged adult over here.

There are days like this one when I think I must be properly mad to contemplate being able to do both. But I've managed it for over a year and I like having the security of a regular income. I no longer get that fear when its the end of the term and my student loan has nearly ran out. I also actually like my job and there is satisfaction to be gained from a successful shift. So I just gotta knuckle down and work my way through the next few weeks. Got to hustle if you want results.

And as an added bonus my exams finish pretty close to pay day...Guess I'll be winning then.

Picture credit

Why I've decided to not drink anymore

I realise this title makes me look like an alcoholic but I'm not. That's also exactly what an alcoholic would say right? I am however a student and we are all aware of the drinking culture associated with going to uni.

In truth I've never really been one for drinking. As a teenager I didn't feel the same desire to get wasted and vomit everywhere like everyone else. Partly because I was shy and unconfident, partly because I was scared of losing control like that and partly because my parents are very relaxed about drinking. If I wanted to drink I could, they wouldn't mind and they've always treated me like an adult when it comes to alcohol. As a result I've never really felt the urge to rebel and go crazy.

Unlike a lot of people I didn't start drinking until 6th form and even then it wasn't the be all and end all like it appeared to be to so many of my peers. It was fun, but I had more fun from hanging out with my friends than from the alcohol. The getting ready and the anticipation have always been the best part of a night out, followed by a take away and sitting up til the small hours discussing the most pointless things.

After two years at an all girls grammar school, by the time I was a fresher I was capable of drinking a fair bit. I went out every night for 2 weeks when I first started uni and was barely tired. I would skip off to my 9am the following morning without a care in the world. But for me going out was always about the amazing time I had dancing and meeting people, the drinking just goes along with it.

I've also always been a total lightweight and its never taken much to get me tipsy. As a student this has definite advantages as it means you can afford to go out whenever you want. But I've also always been equally happy to go out sober. Sometimes this is just a necessity because I have often been the designated driver for the night, but occasionally I just didn't really want to drink but still wanted to have a good time.

Because of all this for a student I have never really drunk much and certainly never enough to make an impressive story. I am not one of those girls that can impress guys by downing pints of beer without so much as blinking or do endless shots throughout the night. Although I making myself out to be quite boring here I don't really care. I think my friends will all agree that being on a dance floor with me is an experience regardless of how much I have had to drink.

Over the three years I've been at uni I have gone out less with time. I guess this is normal as being a fresher is a crazy period of your life and you just want to get out there and see what the world has to offer. But after you've been at uni a while you're more settled with stable routines and friendships so you don't feel the need to party as much. Plus you have actually got work you're meant to be doing.

Recently however I have started to really suffer after a night out and not just with a normal hangover. I've decided that even my occasional drinking is not doing my body any favours. Last night I went out and had a few cocktails, despite not feeling drunk my body is not happy today. So I am going to drink a lot less as there seems to be little point when I can have just as much fun without it.

I'm a big girl now and I can make my own decisions without being influenced by others. My friends might think I'm crazy or boring or whatever but its my body so I get to decide what I do with it.

I'm not going to be so rigid as to say I am never drinking again, I'm only human. But I think I'm going to start being a lot more selective about when and what I do drink.
I guess on the plus side less hangovers, more money and in truth cake would be a better use of the calories.

Hey its ok to cut yourself some slack

The whole reason I write this blog is because I feel its a place I can be honest about how I feel, even if its a small drama getting me down. Like most people I can struggle with my self confidence on occasion. Ive written about it on this blog before and if I'm honest its an ongoing problem.
It feels like it strikes out of nowhere, one moment I'm this cool, sassy, fierce girl whos got her shit together and the next I'm curled up in bed bawling my eyes out about how the world and their mother hate me.

With hindsight I can usually see a negative cycle of behavior that warns of an impending meltdown but this time was different. If you take a look at the previous posts on this that I've linked above you can see its been a while since this has bothered me and I was starting to think I was making real progress with how I see myself.

One tiny little thing bothered and suddenly I was upset beyond any reason. I know we all get days like this, where you feel on the verge of tears about nothing. And if I'm honest it probably was one of 'those days' combined with hormones. But even so I don't normally let it get this out of hand.

This happened last week and its taken me a while to decide what I wanted to write about with it. I think what I learnt from this particular time was that actually its ok to get upset about things. Normally everything looks better after you sleep on it, but this time when I woke up I found I was still beating myself up about it. I got up early and sat by myself with a cup of tea for a bit. I allowed myself to cry and feel all the emotions that go with one of these low moments. I decided to cut myself some slack for not being perfect and I immediately felt better. After an hour or so I had pulled myself back together.

We're only human and we our emotions are not always rational but that's ok. The world would be pretty boring if we all acted in a perfectly predictable way. Everyone has moments of self doubt so we are not alone in how we feel. I'm writing this post to say that I am ok with having the odd moment where I act like a crazy person because I know that everytime I overcome one of these moments I am making more and more progress. All we can ever aim for is to improve.