Life After Graduation - Coping with life after leaving uni

We talk so much about how hard it is to leave home for the first time, learning to cope on your own and how to manage your own life. Struggling with life at uni is also widely talked about. Coping with exam stress, challenging modules, conflicting deadlines and managing to have a social life and keep your bills paid on time can get on top of people. Which is ok, we're only human and you were learning how to handle all of that for the first time.

What we don't talk about is coping with life once you've left uni. That for the first time in life the neat path of school > 6th form > uni no longer applies. You are staring your future in the face but you might as well be looking into a blank abyss.

In my blog series about Life After Graduation I've covered several different topics from how my own job hunting experience went, to tips on getting started with job searching if you're feeling overwhelmed as well as why I think its perfectly ok to not work in your degree field. If you read my post on how I found a job after uni you'll know that finding a job happened REALLY quickly for me. Which is great, I'm really grateful to have found a job so rapidly, but it also meant I had no time to process the enormous change that had happened in my life.

As I mentioned above we accept that GOING to uni is a huge change that people have a tough time adjusting to but we're less sure how to deal with someone who is struggling to find their feet again once they have that degree certificate.

While having a job gave my life structure to work around (which definetely helped) it meant I had no energy to focus on how I was feeling and how I was coping. In reality my life had just been turned upside down. After four years of living independently and being in charge of myself I was now living back at home with my parents, one of my sisters also graduated at the same time as me and Jared moved in with us as well. That's enough to knock anyone off kilter but I started a new job at the same time as well. It wasn't until I had been back home for a few months that I was able to admit to people that I was finding it hard.

And do you know what? It's ok to struggle but the only people who really get it are your fellow graduates who have experienced it too. I love my parents so much but they cannot really understand why I feel a bit trapped at home. They take this as I'm desperate to get away from them, not I just crave being in control of my own life again.

More than a year since graduation, life has settled down for me and I have come to accept my situation for what it is. So if you've just graduated (or know someone who has) these are my tips for navigating this massively understated period of change.

1. Take a short break.

I'm not talking about months of dossing around the house, but take a short period of time to unwind from the stress of your final months of uni. Use the time to relax and regroup and figure out your next step. Don't pressure yourself to make huge decisions, just decide what your initial move will be and that's it. If you've got the funds (unlikely but some do) take yourself off somewhere to get away from it all and gain some perspective on your situation.

As I've already mentioned I was working at my new job before I had even graduated so I didn't take the time to do this and I think it contributed massively towards me feeling very frazzled and burnt out in my first few months of working. If you are able to, take just a short period of time for yourself, because I wish I had.

2. Work on accepting your loss of independence.

Chances are you've moved back home with your parents. It's what a lot of young graduates do while looking for employment. While it is fantastic to have such a safety net (and I am forever grateful to my parents for allowing both Jared and I to move back here) it doesn't come without it's problems. Now is not the time to sink back into adolescence. If you want to get ahead in life continue to be as independent as possible under your parents roof. Clean up after yourself, do chores not because you were told to but because you can see they need doing, wash your own clothes and most importantly: pay your way. As soon as that first pay cheque comes in it's time to start paying your parents rent. Before that you should earn your keep by being even more helpful around the house.

I think it's important to pay rent for many reasons. First and foremost, you're an adult and it's not ok to expect a free ride from your parents. In addition contributing to the household encourages you to manage your finances responsibly. The most important reason though it to maintain that sense of yourself. The one who paid her bills on time and kept a roof over her head at uni. Don't let that version of you shrivel up so that you don't recognize her once you're ready to strike out on your own again.

Paying rent also helps your relationship with your parents as you are less of a burdensome child and more of a fellow adult. You are helping your parents share the load and in return you can respectfully ask that they allow you the freedom to continue being an adult. How much rent you pay is between you and your parents but it's essential to have open and honest conversations about it. It's also crucial to talk about the rules they expect you to follow (and for you to stick to them) but also how they can allow you to maintain as much independence as possible.

It's by no means easy (and this is coming from someone who resents anyone having control over my life, no matter how small) but over time I've come to accept that certain freedoms are no longer available. The trade off is I get a roof over my head for a lot less then I would be paying otherwise and never have to worry about the heating bill. To be honest, a lot of the freedoms I crave weren't available to me at uni anyway, because I lived with other people. Accepting it refocuses my energy into creating my own life without relying on others.

3. Make an effort to stay in touch with friends

I think this isn't something that dawns on people until they're actually weeks away from graduating, but seeing your friends once you've left uni is HARD. It requires time and effort (and a lot of train tickets) to see them. Chances are you're all scattered across the country (or the globe in some cases!) with various work and social commitments to keep track of. Finding a weekend to meet up is hard but well worth the effort and expense. When life is getting a bit much for you, hanging out with old friends who are in the same boat can really help. It helps you remember that you aren't alone, which is important because life immediately after graduation can be lonely. Especially if you're at home on your own all day.

You will make new friends as you establish your new life, but to start with you might find that you don't have many people to spend your free time with. For this I am immensely grateful that Jared has moved in with my family as he is my best friend so he's always here for me to hang out with. But as much as I love him he cannot substitute for my girlfriends indefinitely and for that I need to either get in the car or catch the train to see them. I'm always so glad I made the effort and I feel recharged for weeks after a catch up with them.

On top of that we make a serious effort to chat to each other on facebook very regularly which although isn't the same, helps us stay connected with each others lives. It's also a huge comfort to know that I can pick up the phone if I'm struggling and they're still there for me.

4. Make a structured plan for your day

If you're still looking for a job, then you must be strict with yourself and try to structure your day. Include time spent job hunting within that. It's better to apply yourself solidly for a short amount of time each day then to spend hours aimlessly browsing job adverts or staring blankly at a daunting looking grad scheme application. Doing a small amount daily will add up to a considerable amount over the course of a week. When you're not job hunting make sure you are strict with yourself about things like getting up and going to bed at the same time, eating sensibly and doing basic chores such as making your bed, taking a shower and getting dressed. Feeling like you have no direction in life is challenging enough without allowing yourself to slide into a poor state of health (be that mental or physical).

5. Find a productive task

If you're looking for a job, then finding productive ways to fill your hours not spent job hunting will really help you if you're feeling a little low after uni. This is an ideal time to do projects you've always needed the time for. A great one would be learning to drive (if you haven't already) as you know have the free time for lessons and it helps give you focus. Once you've passed not only are you able to add 'full clean driving license' to your CV but a whole other world of jobs opens up to you. Or you could task yourself with sorting through all of your stuff from uni and donating unwanted items to charity or selling them on ebay. You could volunteer for a cause that matters to you and put your skills to good use. Or you could even start a blog... It doesn't really matter what it is, it's just important to have something to do to prevent you from becoming apathetic by having something else to focus on. On top of that you're almost certain to improve your skills along the way too, which is  a win win.

6. Read some inspirational books

In our digitally switched on world we're finding it increasingly difficult to devote a chunk of time to reading. But is so good for you. Take the time to refresh your sense of purpose with something motivational. It could be an autobiography of someone you admire, or a book on mindfulness or one that teaches you how to start your own business. Keeping your head high and remembering to keep trying are really important in this awkward, transitional part of your life. Three personal favourites of mine are The Wrong Knickers by Bryony Gordon, #Girlboss by Sophia Amoruso and The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck by Sarah Knight.

7. Accept this phase for what it is

It's ok and pretty normal for this part of your life to be uncertain  and unpredictable. You are still getting started and its fine that you haven't got it figured out yet. Decide that you are going to buckle yourself in for the ride because the chances are you will experience a lot of highs and lows in the coming months. Your early twenties are a place of turbulence because you are figuring out which path to take. That's all ok and normal. Come to terms with it and you will be able to roll with the punches a lot better.

8. Nobody else has it all figured out either

Always remember that what you see online is other people's highlight reel. They often don't share the struggle or the insecurity as openly as they do their amazing work trip or the fancy cocktails they seem to drink every night of the week. Chances are you're guilty of it too. It's almost certain though that they are also struggling and trying to figure things out one step at a time, just like you are.

9. Don't neglect yourself

Although its important to work hard, take time to be nice to yourself. Keep up with your hobbies, spend time doing things you find relaxing, hang out with your friends and family. It's good to be ambitious but if you try to do too much you'll burn yourself out. 

10. Strive for your independence

During this period of your life if you're not sure what direction to head in, then having this as your goal won't steer you far wrong. Just remember that independence has a different meaning for everyone. To me I think it means not having to rely on other people financially and being able to have a place of my own. To a friend of mine, independence means being able to work for yourself, anywhere in the world and not being constrained by your location or the company you work for. Another friend wishes to be able to research what interests her without being tied into a degree course. Whatever it means for you, make sure that you're constantly striving for it and that it shapes your decisions. 

Did you struggle with life after uni? Are you still adjusting a year later like I am? Or are you going through this now? Let me know if you have any tips that worked for you!

Life After Graduation Blog Series:

Post 1: My job hunting experience

Post 2: Starting your job search

Post 3: Why its ok if you don't want to work in your degree field