It feels like it strikes out of nowhere, one moment I'm this cool, sassy, fierce girl whos got her shit together and the next I'm curled up in bed bawling my eyes out about how the world and their mother hate me.
With hindsight I can usually see a negative cycle of behavior that warns of an impending meltdown but this time was different. If you take a look at the previous posts on this that I've linked above you can see its been a while since this has bothered me and I was starting to think I was making real progress with how I see myself.
One tiny little thing bothered and suddenly I was upset beyond any reason. I know we all get days like this, where you feel on the verge of tears about nothing. And if I'm honest it probably was one of 'those days' combined with hormones. But even so I don't normally let it get this out of hand.
This happened last week and its taken me a while to decide what I wanted to write about with it. I think what I learnt from this particular time was that actually its ok to get upset about things. Normally everything looks better after you sleep on it, but this time when I woke up I found I was still beating myself up about it. I got up early and sat by myself with a cup of tea for a bit. I allowed myself to cry and feel all the emotions that go with one of these low moments. I decided to cut myself some slack for not being perfect and I immediately felt better. After an hour or so I had pulled myself back together.
We're only human and we our emotions are not always rational but that's ok. The world would be pretty boring if we all acted in a perfectly predictable way. Everyone has moments of self doubt so we are not alone in how we feel. I'm writing this post to say that I am ok with having the odd moment where I act like a crazy person because I know that everytime I overcome one of these moments I am making more and more progress. All we can ever aim for is to improve.
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